So right now I am sitting in my computer class in school. I was unsure of what I should do, so I decided upon writing a blog post. I am debating whether I should finally type up my “Hey Jude” letter/post. But I am still feeling iffy about it. Tonight I am going to my best friend’s house for a study session type thing. But I am not going to have that much homework so I am bringing some of my projects over to work on. Such as studying french, and such as creating a finished draft of my “Hey Jude” letter. I am worried about how that letter will turn out just a bit, and what I mean by turn out is how I will feel after typing it up and releasing it to the world. Currently I am using last.fm for music because I cannot use my ipod and I am never sure what I would like to play. I am playing my recommended playlist. I love the mix so far. I disabled my facebook for a little while… but I am not sure if that was a good idea. I will probably reactivate it at lunch or something. I can currently leave early at lunch, but today I have a student council meeting. Now this post has taken a turn towards boring. I have had so much I have been thinking about lately… so much going through my mind. But I have songs that help relive those thoughts… and I am not listening to my ipod so therefore I do not have a key to those thoughts. I am now thinking I should start a section on this blog about my dreams. It would be a section where I describe and share my dreams. By dreams I mean my goals, aspirations, daydreams, and dreams I have in my sleep. Additionally I would have things I hope to achieve. Maybe right now I should write about my regret with that certain guy… which I hope I will get over soon. I just cannot shake it still. I feel really jumpy right now for some strange reason. Maybe I will write a valentine’s day post. That is what I will do.
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So basically I have not written in a while. But the word written seem inappropriate for this and typed does not make sense so I am going to stick with written. Not much has happened, or maybe a lot has happened. This week has been horrible. Thank god today is the last day and I will be on break after 3:15 today. I am not sure but this week has been off and Has been horrible. I am not sure how to describe the horribleness, but my emotions have been all over the place to put the icing on the cake. Also I have been dealing with ridiculous people, some people were not as ridiculous, but I interacted well had forced interaction with people I do not care for. I do not understand why some people care so much about hurting others. I also do not understand how others can be so self-absorbed in a friendship. A friendship is shared equally, its not for the sake of just one person its all about both people. I also hate how people make others feel used.
There is one new thing my mom has given me the okay to study abroad over the summer. I am still deciding upon a program to go with. But I know that I want to be in Paris, France and study the French language. I aspire to be fluent in French, why not have an immersion experience to help get one step closer to perfecting it. I am really excited. I am excited about going to France. I am excited about traveling. I am excited about learning French. I am excited about exploring France. I am excited about experiencing the French culture. I am excited about meeting new people. I need new people in my life. I am tired of the people of America. There are very few people who are alright in my book, excluding family, very few people. I know for a fact I am not really keeping in touch with anyone from my present school. I do not really want to keep in touch with anyone. I am over trying to keep friendships. I am going to stay in touch with one person however, Tabby. Because we have a lot we can relate to each other about, at least I think so.
So my music taste has once again changed. Well not exactly changed its more reverted back to what I use to love listening to, but slowly strayed away from. I am starting to feel like my old self by going back to what type of music I use to listen to. I am looking forward to the future once again. I am always thinking up what I want to accomplish in the future. I aspire to do many things. I have goals. I plan to go to college, community college and then off to university I go. I plan to travel, and possibly do a semester or a year abroad. I plan to have a career I enjoy and love. I plan to be successful in this career additionally. I will then get married or possibly get married as I am starting my career. I will then start building a family after I am married. I do not want to be a single parent I want to be married and never get divorced. It seems I am so far away from this in time, but yet I am so close. I am so close it is scary, but far enough to not make me afraid.
Another new thing is I have started my experimenting phase. I am not experimenting drastically, just little things here and there, nothing too hardcore. Its fun. Its thrilling at times, when I am doing it in hiding or hiding from someone. It is also fun with my “DPIC.” I have been spending a lot of time with my friend outside of school and her friends. It has improved my life drastically. Since I am happier, much happier than I was before. I haven’t been this happy since about 2006-2007. Its a big improvement in my life. It has also helped me get back to my old self.
Currently I am sitting in a classroom, waiting for the end of the day. It is only the morning, yet I am still anticipating the end of the day. I will be on winter break at the end of the day. At first I was unable to get on the computer, since I did not know which account to log onto. I did not know the password either, but it turned out it was right in front of me. So here I am typing. Another new thing I have started is writing in a journal. I do not start out Dear Journal, or Dear Diary. I feel awkward doing that, so I just write. I write what is exactly on my mind, what I am going through. My emotions on certain things. Its like my blog in some aspects, but on a more personal level. There are things I write about I feel uncomfortable writing about on my blog. They are things that I do not want others to find out exactly. If I put it on my blog Its like sharing my private, my very private thoughts with the world. There is only one person that has read these thoughts and that is my “DPIC” Katie. She is basically my sister, actually she is the sister I never really had. She is also my best friend.