Tag Archives: love


Lately I have watching and I have been trying to change the words I use. Words are a vital part of how the world works (if you believe in The Secret type of stuff) and how we communicate (which is basically the same thing). I have found that I am very negative with my words, especially towards myself. They say that you are your own worst critic, and yes indeed that is very much true with myself. So I am on a transformation to make myself my own #1 fan. I need to start using more positive, uplifting, complimenting type of words when talking about myself with others and in my head. I think I heard once that “you are your own words.” I think this is very true because I believe in The Power and the power of  The Secret. Whenever you think or say something about yourself you become that something, especially if you put a lot of emotion behind it. Love is the most powerful power/force there is. So when you feel love towards something you say, that something should occur or you should become that something. But the key is to keep up with the positiveness and love behind what you are thinking/saying. This is what I have been working on lately, keeping my mind full of positive and loving thoughts, because when I use to do that I was much happier and confident than I am now. Another powerful emotion is gratitude, which is one step below love. Being grateful for everything that you have been granted with in your life is very important. I am not yet at the level of feeling love for everything immediately, so I start with feeling extremely grateful/thankful for something and then work up to feeling love. I am not trying to say that you should only be grateful for what you have in order to get more, but you should be grateful/thankful for everything all the time. I cannot stress enough how important it is to be grateful and thankful for what you have. You never know what the next day, the next hour, the next minute, or next second brings. I am honestly saying this from experience, I wish I was more grateful and thankful for some of the things I took for granted in the past. It is really sad to lose something that meant the world to you, even though you did not realize it until you lost it. You should be grateful for the little and big things in life, whether its a parking space or your life. People are very materialistic and are always wanting more and more and more, but they do not realize that it is about being happy with what you already have and not about always feeling the need to have more of something. I am not sure if that is coming across as strongly as I would like, but basically one needs to not let their “need for more” override the happiness of appreciating what you already have. Also, people need to appreciate the people they have in their lives more. Sure material items and money can satisfy some aspects of your well-being. But, there is nothing like having at least one really good friend and your family around to support you, and for you to support them. There is nothing more uplifting then having people on your side. So another message is to appreciate the people around you. Do not just let them know but also SHOW them that you are happy and grateful/thankful to have them in your life. When they need you, be there for them. Hopefully if they are just as good as a friend they will be there for you when you need them. As the “golden rule” states, “Treat others the way you would like to be treated.” Treat your friends the way you would want them to treat you. Hopefully if you go above & beyond, they will go above & beyond. But do not expect too much out of people, after all we are only human. It is in some people’s nature to go above & beyond in their relationship’s and/or in life in general. It is very rare to find people like that, so when you do find one do one thing: keep them. But, you must do several things to keep them. 1) respect them and treat them with respect; 2) treasure them; 3) show them that you care; 4) do not disregard them and treat them as an equal; 5) be there for them; 6) you do not need to go exactly above & beyond, but do not do the bare minimum in the the relationship be a good friend; 7) I almost forgot but listen to them, be a good listener; 8) DO NOT take ADVANTAGE of them, actually, NEVER TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THEM; 9) I guess this list could go on….

I happen to be one of those people who goes above and beyond in my relationships. At least I try to when I really care about the person. But, when I start to notice that I am not being respected, or treated with the respect I deserve, or if they are doing the opposite of any of the above 8 things listed, that is when I start to slowly back out. If I really do care for you, I do not back out entirely. When I back out entirely that is when I usually tell you that we cannot be friends anymore. But, the point of this is that people who are like me, that go above and beyond, should learn to not expect a lot of people. Those are some really great words of advice a friend gave to me last week. People like to take advantage of people who are very nice, it is as if they find it to be a weakness. But I feel like it is a strength. So do not stop being nice, just be a little more guarded about who you choose to be very nice to and then do not expect a lot out of people.

The song I chose is Words by Skylar Grey. It is not the version with Lupe Fiasco. It is the version from “The Buried Sessions of Skylar Grey” album. It is a beautiful song even though it is pretty sad. But the reason I chose this song is because over the past few months I have been very hard on myself. I have been using very negative words, and I have had some negative words and phrases said to me that I am having trouble shaking off. I forgive but I DO NOT forget. But, I can change and make my future better. People are always saying “I’ll prove them wrong one day, just one day.” But, really you do not need to prove yourself to anyone, even though it brings great satisfaction showing how far along you are in life and that you made something of yourself and that you were not useless like they said. However, the only person you need to prove is yourself. You only need to prove to yourself that you can do whatever it is you are telling yourself you cannot do/accomplish, or that you will never do/accomplish. Learn to be content with yourself. Learn to love yourself. Learn to just be yourself, your true self. Do not be afraid to do any of those things. Once you accept yourself, everything will get much better as long as you do not feed into the negative thoughts of others, and the negative thoughts from yourself that you have silenced. Once you truly fall in love with yourself, you can truly fall in love with someone else. Just do not get too conceited about yourself, be humble yet be proud. And now we are coming to a full circle, I started out with a few thoughts I intended to say and went off on a tangent (I am still not sure if I covered everything). So I apologize for this being all over the place, I have a lot on my mind. Also, I apologize for not posting a post every week, actually I am sorry but not sorry because school is what consumed my time. I really should not be writing this right now, and with that said I should be working on this writing assignment I have. I wish I could write more often, and maybe I will be now since I got a new laptop. 🙂


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Pumped Up Kicks

I am just in love with this song. It makes me want to fast forward to a time in the future where I will be at the beach with friends around a campfire. This song makes me soo happy. I know the lyrics to this song is not too pleasing. But it sounds really nice. The vocals with the surfer type of instrumentals. Today I went to see an astrologist. I am very pleased about my future. I am really looking forward to it. Now I feel like I have some instructions to what I need in life. Now I just need to make my tool belt stronger. I just cannot wait for the future I am so over the present right now. I want to widen my horizons but I feel like something is stopping me from doing that right now. Tomorrow is my birthday. I picked up a beautiful cake. I take picture of it and post them tomorrow. My cake is black, white, and tiffany blue. Its so pretty. Its going to be tasty too. I think I just realized why I chose this song for my title… besides the reason that its the song on replay for me right now. But the title kind of fits how I am thinking. I am “pumped” for the future and I just wish I could run to it right now. I am excited about the preparation, but I feel as if its going to feel like it will take forever. But I start tomorrow, I start preparing for my future tomorrow. I cannot believe it has been 18 years. It was just yesterday I was so young. Time really does fly.

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F**kin’ Perfect (part 1)

So lately I have been really stressed. I missed several days of school and I am now behind in a class. I have a few essays that I need to write. My birthday is coming up, its on Sunday. I never want to share with the world that it is my birthday, yet I hope that people will wish me a birthday. But how are people supposed to wish me a happy birthday if I never told them it is my birthday. I just feel really conceited when I tell people it is my birthday so I just don’t tell them. This year I am going to be 18. The big one eight. I am going to be an adult officially. I feel like I have not done anything right. I feel everything I am doing is wrong. I take two steps forward and then three steps back. I am my worst critic. I feel like I should be perfect. I know that nobody is perfect… but I feel like I have to be. I have this idea in my head of how I should be. But I cannot play out my plans. I make plans in my head and I have trouble fulfilling them. I want to be somebody. I want to feel valuable to someone. I feel as if I am treated as if I am disposable sometimes. I am not a camera. I am not trash. I am a human. I am human. I have feelings, I have emotions. I need attention too. I give you attention, why can’t you give me attention. I am not sure why I always feel like I am nothing. I just want to be loved and I want someone to see how special I am. I am tired of being lonely. I would give anything to feel loved, and truly happy. I am also tired of being heavy. I am 50 pounds overweight. It disgusts me. I cannot believe medicine can do this to you. I think all my problems will be solved once I lose my weight… but that is not necessarily true. Happiness starts from within. You must love yourself before you can love another person. Right now I definitely do not love myself. Honestly who really loves everything about themselves. I live in a problem generation. Everyone is on drugs, everyone is in/out of rehab. Where are the people like me. I cannot find people like me. I am ranting and not making any sense. So I will hopefully continue this another day. Hopefully tomorrow.

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So I have been away in dreamland for a while and now it is time for me to come back to reality. It is a hard journey but me blogging and reflecting on my life is a start. I think at least. I have been obsessed, and by obsessed I mean I have constantly been daydreaming. I am like addicted. I am so unhappy with how my life has turned out that I escape into a dreamland where everything can be fixed. I am like 45 pounds overweight, and I am not a happy camper about that. I start going back to the gym again tomorrow. Well I started going last year at the end of 2010 and I have been going twice a week. But now I need to bump it up from starting to go three times a week to now soon everyday. I am also starting this diet from this book my mom just got its called the “17 Day Diet” or something like that. I start tomorrow. Something new in my life is I can leave school early now. It is great not having to stay in that place. So basically I am just changing everywhere. I have changed my mindset, I am changing my eating habits, I have changed my schedule, I am changing my exercise schedule additionally. I am really excited. I forgot to mention that I am most likely going to France this summer to study in Paris at the Sorbonne. I am really excited about that. I hope I lose my 45+ pounds before I go. My goal is to be 118 pounds. Another thing I have changed is my style, clothing style. I started this project, I print out articles of clothing that appeal to me or items that I like or love and I glue them into this sketchbook I got. I call the sketchbook “my lookbook.” I love this hands on project I started. Its better than polyvore to me.. actually I am not sure if its better but it feels more personal to me. I also put purple hair dye in my hair… my hair is already dark but I have a few light pieces that I wanted to turn purplish. So that way in the sunlight my hair would glint a purple tint instead of a reddish tint. Sometimes you can see the purple, most times you cannot but I love it when I do see it.

So Valentine’s Day is coming up… and once again I do not have a valentine. If I had things my way I would spend the day in bed watching Sex and the City episodes all day. Additionally I would drink champagne and eat sushi. Another option would be to watch Weeds all day. Because I would probably get even more depressed watching Sex and the City. And a problem would be.. I would probably end up really drunk because I would decide Champagne is not good enough and I would end up with some Jack or Absolut. God look at me I am an alcoholic in the making… Maybe since I have changed I will stick to what I am suppose to do… which is go to school. Once school is over I will probably go crash a course for my college class I will be taking if I crash correctly. and then go home and order sushi from my favorite sushi restaurant and then do my homework. Lastly I would end the day crying or watching weeds or watching SATC.

By far I think this has been one of my worst posts as of today. I feel frantic and all over the place right now. I feel very frrjasklfja;ga.


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This is my very first post on this blog. I am not sure how many blogs I have created so far in my lifetime now. But, this is my second official blog. My very first one still exists, but I share that with a very good and dear friend of mine. I also have one more blog in the making, its for my clothing line. My Best friend and I will be writing on that one, in order to document the steps and processes of our clothing line. We have a ton of great and fabulous ideas that you will hopefully love.

I created this blog, due to an epiphany I had a fews ago. I created this blog a day or two after this epiphany. This epiphany has changed my life so far. I am still me, but I feel more mature and that I have had a lot more life experience put on my resumé. I look at everything with a different frame of mind, than what I had before. So far, my life is soo much better than the weeks before. I have been much happier, and I have seen improvements in my mood swings. (I do not have as many, and when I do they are not as severe.)

I am having a hard time blogging the first blog on a new blog. I always do. I never know what to say, and I am trying to refrain from making this an about me post… because that is what the about section is for. Right? Well I felt my old blog was unfit for my new lifestyle/frame of mind. It was too depressing for my life. I am keeping it to remember and learn from the past, and for those times I must be depressing. My new blog, I am going to try to write daily once again. If not daily, at least once or twice a week. I will break up my posts into sections, so far I only have one section, “checkupp.” That is my section for when I am giving you a checkup on my life and what is happening. It shall be the short blogs just to see how everything is going. I have not thought of some of the other sections in detail, but once they come up I will let you know then. My main theme for “my little dove,” is basically my little piece peace, love, and happiness. I hope you enjoy it, comments are welcomed and encouraged. They make me want to write more, and feel like I am writing for a purpose. ❤

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