Tag Archives: healthy

Walk

I was driving home earlier tonight and on my iPod the song “Walk” by Foo Fighters came up on my shuffle playlist thing. I already had this song in a playlist of songs that may inspire me to write a blog post, but I usually do not feel entirely inspired by picking and choosing a song. The song usually plays, without me choosing it, and then I feel inspired and/or “infinite.” My favorite verse of the song is “I’m learning to walk again/ I believe I’ve waited long enough/ Where do I begin?/ I’m learning to talk again/ Can’t you see I’ve waited long enough/ Where do I begin?”. This verse really popped out at me tonight, because it explains exactly what I have been doing these past two months and what I have been trying to do since ┬áJune 2011. Basically I have been trying to rebuild my life, I was successful with this in the fall but somehow and someway I stopped halfway through the fall semester. Then in winter I started to piece my life together, and now ever since then I have been working hard at accomplishing things in my life. I have been very busy the past two months getting myself organized and prepared for applying for a college transfer this upcoming fall (Fall 2012). While doing this I have also been rebuilding my life as I am building the foundation for my future. I have changed how I eat (once again), how often I exercise, I have been working on how I communicate with my friends, and I have even cut people out of my life who are unhealthy for me. My next step is to incorporate even more of “The Secret,” God, and more spiritual things into my life. I do not know why I did not do this sooner, and I wish I did start this sooner but right now is a good time for me to start. Now that I have real goals in my life, I feel like I have a true purpose. I have found that I do not care as much about what others think of me, and I feel stronger as a being. So my message is that everyone should make a goal to look towards and try to achieve. What is the point of life if you are not going to have any goals? Everyone needs goals, especially if you want to be successful in all or several aspects of life. Overall this is an update of how I have been these past 9 months. I missed writing, and I am glad to say that I am back. ­čÖé

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Stop.

“Stop! Take some time to think, figure out what’s important to you.”

That line of lyrics is from the song Stop, by Against Me. Today for me was all about stopping. Stopping what the old me would do, and figuring out what the new me should do. It was a  bumper to bumper traffic day. Stop and go, stop and go, stop and go. I just got off the phone with my grandmother, she was sharing with me about how possibly I might be too needy. And I think I may be too needy, and that may be what drives the friends who I want to be closer with away. Which does not make sense to me, because when I back away I lose the friendship. Its not a win win situation, or a win lose, or a lose win situation its a lose lose type of situation. Either direction I take there will be some type of problem sadly. I am feeling a tad depressed right now and a bit inquisitive about my problem. My problem that has happened every year of my life, some years worse than others, some better than others, some in between.

I think I am not healthy. I am afraid to eat. That is not a good thing it seems like. I am starting to hate eating. I enjoy little snacks, but not meals. I am also starting to get a little self-conscious about eating in front of people, including family and friends. I am self-conscious now more than ever with how I behave, how I talk, what words I use, my pronunciation, where I sit, how I sit, where I look, what I watch, what I do, who I talk to. Why must I be so self-conscious. I always have been, but I think it feels like I am more conscious now more than ever is because the feeling and thoughts are more intense and take up a lot of space in my mind. I want to say I miss the past. But in reality I do not miss it that much. I just want it to go away. I need to learn to be more independent, not overanalyzing everything, and I am not sure what should be after the last and but I have an idea of what it is. I am tired and I might go off to bed in an hour or two.

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