Category Archives: checkupp.

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So currently I am sitting in the computer lab, at school. I should be in my study hall but I do not have any work so I asked my teacher if I could go to the lab to work on something. This is the something I am working on. ¬†I do not have any music playing, but there are kids talking in the background, of this room. I have no mandatory work to work on, but there is work I have the option of working on. Its friday though and I do not feel like doing any work today. Blogging is not work to me, it is many things that are positive. It helps me release and get in touch with my inner feelings/emotions. It helps me express myself in words. I seem to have trouble sometimes figuring out my emotions towards things, such as: novels, stories etc… I have no problem expressing how I feel in a blog. But who does not have a problem expressing themselves in writing. I want to aim toward a question as a topic one day. Not today because I have no clue what question I wold use as my topic to write about. But another day I will do so. Before starting this post I was debating whether I should practice for my permit test on tuesday next week. But I felt this was more exciting and worthy of my time. I have not posted in a while, so this was a priority over studying.

Next week I am going to see LADY GAGA. I am really excited. I have been trying to figure out what I am going to wear. I hope I get paid this weekend, maybe I will go out and get a shirt or a dress to wear. I am definitely going to wear my Dolce Vita platform heels though. I love those, I just have not found an occasion to wear them. But, maybe I should practice this weekend wearing them. After all they are 5 1/2 inches. I am really excited about going, not just to see Lady Gaga but to see my best friend Abby. I miss her soo much, it is always great to see her when she is home.

Back to heels, there is a pair of heels I am dying to get. It is the Jeffrey Campbell Lita. I almost bought a pair with my birthday money since they were restocked at Solestruck. If you click the link it will take you to the shoe I want to get. Sadly they are now out of my size. I should have gotten them when I could have.

The past few weeks I have lost weight. I lost about 6 pounds, but last night I weight 5 pounds more. So I am afraid I have gained it. I go to the gym tonight. I am kind of starting to like going to the gym more often. I am trying to go on my own more. I only went once this week on my own. Tonight I will be training with my trainer. But I will go tomorrow morning with my mom, and hopefully Sunday morning with my mom. If not I will try to go alone. I hope I lose all my weight before my trip, I am willing to do whatever it takes except for doing things that would start an eating disorder. Once I lose my weight I plan to get all new clothes, so I have clothes that fit and so I can be my fashionable self. ūüôā

I have not told that many people about my acceptance into my study abroad program. I have only told my school therapist, my dean, my school college counselor, and my family. I have not told any friends at all. But I will be in Paris this summer studying abroad at the Sorbonne. I am very excited, and very thankful that I will have this experience. I am going barely knowing the language, actually less than barely knowing the language. I only know how to say hello, goodbye, what is your name, I would like…, ¬†and how are you. But I can read a few words, and some verbs. But I am not sufficient enough to get around alone. I hope I will meet a friend who will be kind enough to help me. But I will be studying French at the Sorbonne and I will receive college credit if I go to all my classes. I am really excited about going to Paris, France this summer, and I am really excited about meeting new people and making new friends. I really need some new friends in my life. Hopefully some people will live somewhat near me, so I can see them during the year after the trip.

When I return from Paris, I will be attending a community college somewhat near my house. I plan to study there all year long, so I will be able to transfer after two years. I do not plan to stay at the community college longer than two years. I do not want to study for over 2 years at a community college. After that I would love to transfer into a university/college. Today I want to major in: psychology, and premedicine. I am planning on becoming a psychiatrist. But, thats right now in this moment. In the next few minutes I may change and have trouble deciding between therapist, psychiatrist, general practitioner, and lawyer.

(I wrote this on a Friday, but posted it on a Saturday.)


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So right now I am sitting in my computer class in school. I was unsure of what I should do, so I decided upon writing a blog post. I am debating whether I should finally type up my “Hey Jude” letter/post. But I am still feeling iffy about it. Tonight I am going to my best friend’s house for a study session type thing. But I am not going to have that much homework so I am bringing some of my projects over to work on. Such as studying french, and such as creating a finished draft of my “Hey Jude” letter. I am worried about how that letter will turn out just a bit, and what I mean by turn out is how I will feel after typing it up and releasing it to the world. Currently I am using for music because I cannot use my ipod and I am never sure what I would like to play. I am playing my recommended playlist. I love the mix so far. I disabled my facebook for a little while… but I am not sure if that was a good idea. I will probably reactivate it at lunch or something. I can currently leave early at lunch, but today I have a student council meeting. Now this post has taken a turn towards boring. I have had so much I have been thinking about lately… so much going through my mind. But I have songs that help relive those thoughts… and I am not listening to my ipod so therefore I do not have a key to those thoughts. I am now thinking I should start a section on this blog about my dreams. It would be a section where I describe and share my dreams. By dreams I mean my goals, aspirations, daydreams, and dreams I have in my sleep. Additionally I would ¬†have things I hope to achieve. Maybe right now I should write about my regret with that certain guy… which I hope I will get over soon. I just cannot shake it still. I feel really jumpy right now for some strange reason. Maybe I will write a valentine’s day post. That is what I will do.

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So basically I have not written in a while. But the word written seem inappropriate for this and typed does not make sense so I am going to stick with written. Not much has happened, or maybe a lot has happened. This week has been horrible. Thank god today is the last day and I will be on break after 3:15 today. I am not sure but this week has been off and Has  been horrible. I am not sure how to describe the horribleness, but my emotions have been all over the place to put the icing on the cake. Also I have been dealing with ridiculous people, some people were not as ridiculous, but I interacted well had forced interaction with people I do not care for. I do not understand why some people care so much about hurting others. I also do not understand how others can be so self-absorbed in a friendship. A friendship is shared equally, its not for the sake of just one person its all about both people. I also hate how people make others  feel used.

There is one new thing my mom has given me the okay to study abroad over the summer. I am still deciding upon a program to go with. But I know that I want to be in Paris, France and study the French language. I aspire to be fluent in French, why not have an immersion experience to help get one step closer to perfecting it. I am really excited. I am excited about going to France. I am excited about traveling. I am excited about learning French. I am excited about exploring France. I am excited about experiencing the French culture. I am excited about meeting new people. I need new people in my life. I am tired of the people of America. There are very few people who are alright in my book, excluding family, very few people. I know for a fact I am not really keeping in touch with anyone from my present school. I do not really want to keep in touch with anyone. I am over trying to keep friendships. I am going to stay in touch with one person however, Tabby. Because we have a lot we can relate to each other about, at least I think so.

So my music taste has once again  changed. Well not exactly changed its more reverted back to what I use to love listening to, but slowly strayed away from. I am starting to feel like my old self by going back to what type of music I use to listen to. I am looking forward to the future once again. I am always thinking up what I want to accomplish in the future. I aspire to do many things. I have goals. I plan to go to college, community college and then off to university I go. I plan to  travel, and possibly do a semester or a year abroad. I plan to have a career I enjoy and love. I plan to be successful in this career additionally. I will then get married or possibly get married as I am starting my career. I will then start building a family after I am married. I do not want to be a single parent I want to be  married and never get divorced. It seems I am so far away from this in time, but yet I am so close. I am so close it is scary, but far enough to not make me afraid.

Another new thing is I have started my experimenting phase. I am not experimenting drastically, just little things here and there, nothing too hardcore. Its fun. Its thrilling at times, when I am doing it in hiding or hiding from someone. It is also fun with my “DPIC.” I have been spending a lot of time with my friend outside of school and her friends. It has improved my life drastically. Since I am happier, much happier than I was before. I haven’t been this happy since about 2006-2007. Its a big improvement in my life. It has also helped me get back to my old self.

Currently I am sitting in a classroom, waiting for the end of the day. It is only the morning, yet I am still anticipating the end of the day. I will be on winter break at the end of the day. At first I was unable to get on the computer, since I did not know which account to log onto. I did not know the password either, but it turned out it was right in front of me. So here I am typing. Another new thing I have started is writing in a journal. I do not start out Dear Journal, or Dear Diary. I feel awkward doing that, so I just write. I write what is exactly on ¬†my mind, what I am going through. My emotions on certain things. Its like my blog in some aspects, but on a more personal level. There are things I write about I feel uncomfortable writing about on my blog. They are things that I do not want others to find out exactly. If I put it on my blog Its like sharing my private, my very ¬†private thoughts with the world. There is only one person that has read these thoughts and that is my “DPIC” Katie. She is basically my sister, actually she is the sister I never really had. She is also my best friend.

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This is my very first post on this blog. I am not sure how many blogs I have created so far in my lifetime now. But, this is my second official blog. My very first one still exists, but I share that with a very good and dear friend of mine. I also have one more blog in the making, its for my clothing line. My Best friend and I will be writing on that one, in order to document the steps and processes of our clothing line. We have a ton of great and fabulous ideas that you will hopefully love.

I created this blog, due to an epiphany I had a fews ago. I created this blog a day or two after this epiphany. This epiphany has changed my life so far. I am still me, but I feel more mature and that I have had a lot more life experience put on my resumé. I look at everything with a different frame of mind, than what I had before. So far, my life is soo much better than the weeks before. I have been much happier, and I have seen improvements in my mood swings. (I do not have as many, and when I do they are not as severe.)

I am having a hard time blogging the first blog on a new blog. I always do. I never know what to say, and I am trying to refrain from making this an about me post… because that is what the about section is for. Right? Well I felt my old blog was unfit for my new lifestyle/frame of mind. It was too depressing for my life. I am keeping it to remember and learn from the past, and for those times I must be depressing. My new blog, I am going to try to write daily once again. If not daily, at least once or twice a week. I will break up my posts into sections, so far I only have one section, “checkupp.” That is my section for when I am giving you a checkup on my life and what is happening. It shall be the short blogs just to see how everything is going. I have not thought of some of the other sections in detail, but once they come up I will let you know then. My main theme for “my little dove,” is basically my little piece peace, love, and happiness. I hope you enjoy it, comments are welcomed and encouraged. They make me want to write more, and feel like I am writing for a purpose. ‚̧

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